Navigating City Streets

This past Sunday was huge for our family. I let my 9-year old son walk to the park by himself to play basketball with a buddy. He met up with another friend there. It was cold, thermometer read 35 degrees. But he insisted on going outside and getting some energy out, and with his toothy grin, I couldn’t help but say yes.

I was riddled with anxiety. My daughter had a play date of her own, upstairs with her little girl friends. I was solo parenting. I wanted to go and stalk my son and his friends at the park, but I couldn’t. In my head, I was playing back all the moments I had with my son- had I taught him well? Would he be able to navigate the city streets? Would he know what to do if a stranger approached him? What if something went wrong or somebody got hurt? What would he do? Even though he was with friends, a bunch of 9-year old boys together at a park can only give you so much comfort.

To compound matters, my son does not have a phone. And he doesn’t wear a watch. I couldn’t call him or contact him (or track him) even if I wanted to. Telling him to come back in an hour fell on deaf ears. I had read a NY Times article recently about a phoneless 11-year old who was lost in Manhattan. She survived. And found her mom. But i started going down a rabbit hole again in my mind. The 11-year old was a girl, not a 9-year old boy…..and so the spiral continued.

Then there was a knock on the door. I could hear chatter and laughter. And just like that, my son appeared at the door with two friends in tow. It had been an hour and a half. And they were cold and hungry. I jumped up to give him a hug, and welcomed in the boys with open arms. My son had found his way back home, his smile evidencing confidence, liberation and empowerment.

As a young girl, I remember riding around on my bike in my neighborhood, with no helmet (blasphemous!), meeting my friends. We would be outside for hours, playing in the woods, at one friend’s house and then another’s, using our bikes as our transportation. Granted it was the suburbs but most of my time at that age was unsupervised and unscheduled and not only did I survive, but I thrived. I don’t think my mom gave it a second thought about allowing us to go play outside with our friends, or riding around on our bikes, without adult supervision.

Fast forward 30 years, what is it about these times that have changed so much? What is my generation so afraid of and why are kids not playing outside unsupervised and unscheduled? I don’t know what the answer is for other people but for me, my lesson that day was clear. Trust. I not only needed to trust my son, but also trust that I had adequately taught my son the skills he needed to survive on the city streets. The next time my son wants to walk by himself to play with his buddies, I will let him, more confidently and with less anxiety (kind of!)